Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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