dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
