Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
