You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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