I hate all girls vehemently.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
