Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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