im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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