I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
