Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
