nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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