dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
