i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i will never coherently bang her
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
