what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
