Do you still have your period?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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