i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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