you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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