Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
