people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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