he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
