i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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