Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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