he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found puke in my bra..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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