Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
