Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
