She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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