Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
