Im at strip club and am horny
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
