My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
