just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
