Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Enjoy the penises
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
