Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
