can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
