Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
