thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
