I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
