I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
