I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
