i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
