Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
