I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
