She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
