epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
