Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
