Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
