just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
