I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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