I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
