he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
