so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
