It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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