I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
