420 ftw
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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