Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
